[John can't help but cringe a little at that but like hell is he going to back down from...whatever the hell this is. Penis Chicken? Who fucking knows.]

I will jump in the way so heroically that slow-mo will actually become a real life function and also there will be some kind of anime dramatic line effects or something. My bro-love burns that strongly for you, Dave.

[Wait for it...]

Just once though. If she tries it again after that, I will just shove you out of the way or something. That works just as well, right?