♎ 1ST HANGING[TEXT/AUDIO/ACTION FOR NEW BARK TOWN] ♎

[searsblindly]

H(W DU U
WSUT
WAIT
I CNT
NP STP
HW DI I WORK THUS STPID THNG
WHY CNT I
OH HELL NO
WHRE IX TH#
MYBE UF I

[There's a lot of clunk sounds suddenly and a lot of angry muttering on the other end.]

THIS TASTES METALLIC AND GROSS AND NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. MAYBE MY TONGUE TURNED OFF? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HOW DO THESE BUTTONS WORK? WHAT IS THIS THING? WHERE IS MY CANE?

WHERE AM I? [That mumbling has turned more into yelling and it sounds like she isn't even aware that its recording.] THIS WORLD SMELLS LIKE NOTHING. A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

[If you're in New Bark Town, you'll probably see a girl sitting on the ground with her Dratini. She's shaking her Gear like that will actually do something. Otherwise, she looks really upset right about now. She keeps patting the area around her whenever she tries to pet her Dratini. Honestly, she keeps missing that damn thing completely. How do function in real life?]

Comments

[voice]

[searsblindly]

But why would you need to bleed from it? What is the point of bleeding and going through this process human monthly!

[Weh weh.] I do not want to be a female human anymore!

[voice]

[wontturntostone]

Apparently our bodies feel the need to 'prepare' to have a human spawn once a month, and if we fail to do so, it does this.

You are not alone in that assessment.

[voice]

[searsblindly]

Human reproduction is the worst! Why would you want to have a human grub come out of you? Does it eat its way out of you? How do humans recover from that?

How come this is only a female human thing?

[moveslikestrider]

[He just puts a hand over his face.] Yeah you did. You ok?

[voice]

[wontturntostone]

...I did not feel the need to ask about how that happens. I would rather not dwell upon it, to be honest.

Rose indicated it has something to do with their species requiring one of each individual sex to breed.

[searsblindly]

I'm fine! It hurt more than it would have because I am human, but it wasn't that bad. [She pats the ground, trying to find her pokegear. Oh, hello Pyralspite. What's that? You picked it up for her already? You are best dragon.

But now she has to find the door knob.] This sucks.

[voice]

[searsblindly]

BUT KANAYA. What if we have a human grub come out of us?! I do not want to be human pregnant. I do not want human grubs bursting out of me.

That's stupid.

[voice]

[wontturntostone]

Apparently the human term for a grub is a baby.

And unless you have sex with a human male, you can't actually have that happen.

[voice]

[searsblindly]

That is a dumb name!

But how do you know when you're having sex?

[voice]

[wontturntostone]

I...

[Kanaya hesitates.]

...there is probably a guide somewhere.

[moveslikestrider]

Yeah. I'm sorry this place yanked your trollness. Reach out with your left hand and lean forward a little. Pat the flat surface you come in contact with.

[Audio]

[shippingmath]

No, but it is fucking disgusting.

[voice]

[eclectical]

It's picking up trash and stuff, as far as I can tell... And it really isn't.

video

[timelymaid]

I doubt Rose or Vanitas would approve! They're both doing the human dating thing.

voice; private

[papshooshing]

Yeah well... I wasn't.

[ Karkat pauses. wondering if he should say something that will make him seem sentimentally stupid. probably should just keep his trap shut while he's a head. but he can't. he is Karkat Vantas, after all. ]

You telling me not to worry isn't going to make me stop, you know.

voice

[viiru2alert]

"I can have people do shit for me so I don't have to do it myself!"

Sorry, dude, that's laziness right there.

[He just called you dude, yes.]

Audio

[plushaeusrumpified]

You should be, yeah. I don't think highly of just anybody.

I consider it a goddamn blessing that Earth ain't anything like Alternia. From what I hear, it's a strict fucking regime- and I mean that literally, you guys and your goddamn pails. It's disturbing. And this is coming from the guy who runs a puppet porno site.

Again, you'll be fine.

voice

[tendered]

I-I'm sorry! If there's anything I can do, like getting you a psychic pokémon that transfer images to you or something, I'll totally do that! I didn't mean to hurt you, honestly!

Ooh! Dragon types are really really rare but super strong! They made a right choice for you!

video

[searsblindly]

Karkat is human dating?

[searsblindly]

[Continues to pat about. She's getting there at least.] This is stupid and embarrassing.

voice; private

[searsblindly]

You don't want to go back do you?

[Not that back home was great and all, but she also can't really imagine not going back. But she also got the short end of all of this being stripped of what she needed for normally surviving. Living a world of complete darkness was actually really unsettling. She wanted to go back.]

I'll be careful. I don't really have a choice but to be careful.

voice

[searsblindly]

So are you implying if someone could do it for you, you'd still do it yourself?

[She just cackles because that's ludicrous. Why wouldn't you want people to do things to further yourself?]

[voice]

[searsblindly]

This place is useless! They're glad I'm here now.

[voice]

[searsblindly]

Humans are stupidly complicated. Why can't they just use pails and make it easier on themselves?

[Audio]

[searsblindly]

You don't even know that! All I did was smell you the first time.