searsblindly | ♎ 1ST HANGING[TEXT/AUDIO/ACTION FOR NEW BARK TOWN] ♎

H(W DU U
WSUT
WAIT
I CNT
NP STP
HW DI I WORK THUS STPID THNG
WHY CNT I
OH HELL NO
WHRE IX TH#
MYBE UF I

[There's a lot of clunk sounds suddenly and a lot of angry muttering on the other end.]

THIS TASTES METALLIC AND GROSS AND NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR. MAYBE MY TONGUE TURNED OFF? IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HOW DO THESE BUTTONS WORK? WHAT IS THIS THING? WHERE IS MY CANE?

WHERE AM I? [That mumbling has turned more into yelling and it sounds like she isn't even aware that its recording.] THIS WORLD SMELLS LIKE NOTHING. A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

[If you're in New Bark Town, you'll probably see a girl sitting on the ground with her Dratini. She's shaking her Gear like that will actually do something. Otherwise, she looks really upset right about now. She keeps patting the area around her whenever she tries to pet her Dratini. Honestly, she keeps missing that damn thing completely. How do function in real life?]

Current Location: New Bark Town

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

searsblindly

The stupid human had beaten up Meenah and the other two left! I really hope I'm not somehow behind. I was happy when things were on linear and I'd like to keep it that way!

[Timelines are too hard.]

From:

wontturntostone

You are ahead of many people here, but behind myself and Aradia as far as time lines are concerned. Okay.

...Is someone coming to assist you? I think I am too far away to do so.

From:

searsblindly

This is why I liked it if we had just stayed linear! Now everyone are on different spots of the timeline. How do we intend to talk about anything if we don't know who knows what.

Dave is!

From:

wontturntostone

If you follow the same path I have, you will fail to talk about it until it reveals itself in a catastrophic, emotionally draining fashion.

Good.

From:

searsblindly

That was so encouraging, Kanaya. Thank you so much. [She is not looking forward to that. Wow.]

Of course! No one would want to leave a poor human girl like me all by my lonesome!

From:

wontturntostone

If you wish to avoid my fate, I would suggest broaching any particularly sensitive subjects, particularly ones involving romantic entanglements, early. Before they can punch you in the face unexpectedly.

Ah, yes. Speaking of being human. There are probably some things you will need to know about that.

[Does Kanaya sound awkward and reluctant to be broaching this subject? Why yes!]

From:

searsblindly

For some reason, I don't think I want that particular subject punching me in the face!

What? [>:?]

From:

wontturntostone

No, you don't. It is an exceedingly unpleasant experience.

[A hesitation.]

Have you taken a moment to review the biological shifts that have come from being transformed into a soft, pink mammal?

From:

searsblindly

No. Not really. I kind of had other things on the top of my priority list than to figure out how a female human body works!

From:

wontturntostone

Hrm.

Then I am going to suggest you find somewhere private and take a moment to do so.

I will wait.

From:

searsblindly

This sounds like a great idea, Kanaya. You're lucky that Dave lead me to a building already! [With some repercussions.]

From:

wontturntostone

Good. It's too cold here to be waiting outside regardless.

Let me know when you are...uh...finished. There are some things you will need to know.

From:

searsblindly

I'm already tired of being a human.

[Wait for it.] What is it?

From:

wontturntostone

That is a feeling that never really goes away.

It is the human female reproductive organ. Which is only specifically important to you because, due to our age, there are side effects to possessing one.

Unpleasant side effects.

[Kanaya is desperately trying to find a way to explain this without explaining this.]

Edited Date: 2013-02-05 07:46 pm (UTC)

From:

searsblindly

I am so happy to be blind! I don't want to know what it looks like! It's kind of scary. [Humans are so weird, ohmygod.]

What kind of side effects? Is this like a creature you see in those shitty monster movies?

From:

wontturntostone

No. [She hesitates.] Not precisely, anyway.

Once a month you will bleed from it. Not enough to kill you though. And you will undergo cramps and feel as if you are somewhat larger than you actually are, which they call Bloating.

And be irritable, if Rose is any indication.

From:

searsblindly

But why would you need to bleed from it? What is the point of bleeding and going through this process human monthly!

[Weh weh.] I do not want to be a female human anymore!

From:

wontturntostone

Apparently our bodies feel the need to 'prepare' to have a human spawn once a month, and if we fail to do so, it does this.

You are not alone in that assessment.

From:

searsblindly

Human reproduction is the worst! Why would you want to have a human grub come out of you? Does it eat its way out of you? How do humans recover from that?

How come this is only a female human thing?

From:

wontturntostone

...I did not feel the need to ask about how that happens. I would rather not dwell upon it, to be honest.

Rose indicated it has something to do with their species requiring one of each individual sex to breed.

From:

searsblindly

BUT KANAYA. What if we have a human grub come out of us?! I do not want to be human pregnant. I do not want human grubs bursting out of me.

That's stupid.